I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He did a backflip because drugs
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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