as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
