yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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