Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
