Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
