we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
