Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
