You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
