I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
not ubering you a puppy
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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