i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
