So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's shark week go big or go home
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
