In the future we'll all be gay
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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