It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Randomize
