I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
