Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
