bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
