return my video game
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize