You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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