What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
