so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
