I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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