Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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