So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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