tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the night ended with taco bell and tears
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
