Define "chronic" masturbator.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
