how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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