When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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