my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
