end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
