We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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