He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
