Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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