dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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