Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize