i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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