...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just had sex on a roof
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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