The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
