Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
