You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
how do you play pong handcuffed?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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