Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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