Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
