my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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