no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize