my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
