I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
