Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
