My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
