Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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