woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
