I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
