I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
