I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
