Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
