A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
