I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
