I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
only you would photoshop your dick
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
