We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
