come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
