Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
