does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
