She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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