And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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