i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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