why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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