I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
