hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
