Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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