1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I will be naked everywhere
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I came so hard my ears popped.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
